My an initial and most sincere factor why no one should say “popping the cherry” is the cherries do not actually pop. Balloons pop. Tires pop. Popular music rockets pop. My vagina most absolutely does no pop.

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When i think the cherries, ns think of Coke, cherry published clothing, clown’s noses, picnics. What walk not come to mind, is when again, my vagina.


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According to the lover folks in ~ Kotex, that should understand a point or two about vaginas, “popping the cherry,” is “…a slang expression that describes a girl shedding her virginity. In some cases, a girl’s hymen (thin membrane in the vaginal opening) breaks when she has actually intercourse because that the very first time. This can reason bleeding and also is sometimes uncomfortable. In various other cases, the hymen rips throughout other sexual or non-sexual activities. Regardless, the expression ‘popping your cherry’ refers to the action of having actually sexual intercourse for the an initial time.”

Blah lol blah sex sex fruit cherries hymen blah blah sex.

Things that space commonly connected with cherries include: perfume, blossoms, pies, trees, bombs, Twizzlers, t-shirts, snow cones, lollipops, pop tarts, her step-dad’s necktie, your great-aunt’s very first name, your least favorite toothpaste flavor, lip gloss, cobbler, Lana Del Ray, your iPhone case, her mum’s iphone case since she’s a copycat and also tries real difficult to show up youthful, cherry festivals, jam, cherry hill, cherry farms, black cherries, yellow cherries, mother-fucking consistent red cherries.

I asked my fiance what “popping the cherry” way and he just stared at me. Didn’t answer. This was, that course, a trick concern to ascertain how gross that is, and also he wasn’t taking my bait. How completely transparent of him.


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There room widespread theories around why males curl into themselves anytime vaginas are brought up in conversation: vaginas room all red and disgusting, moist, smell weird, have lots that folds, look favor peaches, can be hairy, can be hairless, dispense children, bleed uncontrollably, et cetera.

I have actually widespread theories too, among which is entitled: Penises are gross. Also ball sacks. Also, men.

More than a few times, i have sat roughly a table through women, sipping part chilled pino grigio and ruminating the countless ways men’s resides are easier: less sexual harassment, no breasts, no monthly blood geyser, no extensive hair removal, no makeup, no asshole waxing, no child-birth, et cetera. But ladies, men have it tough too, alright? They have a dingy in between their legs, which sometimes gets in the way, and hurts in very cold weather. They’ve obtained their own struggles.

Recently, ns overheard a group of teenage guys joking around popping someone’s cherry, standing exterior of a Nektar Juice Bar, because stereotypes room not constantly true. As I passed by, I might just smell how difficult they were trying to be cool, and that made me sad. Guys do have it tough. Imagine having to act prefer a macho asshole simply to right in with various other macho assholes, all while sipping a green Apple Detox.

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I will end this rant with an ode to my good friend, the cherry. Say thanks to you, for offering my body with vitamins A and also C, potassium, calcium, and iron. You’re a fucking Rockstar. Ns glad girlfriend were uncovered in Asia young in 70 B.C. By the Romans, who lugged you to Britain, who brought you come America (all hail the U.S. Of A). Ns adore friend so much that I’d prefer to roasted you right into a pie and also just throw you in someone’s face. Peace hope and also love mine friend.